I was swabbing my nipples with Gentian Violet when the doorbell rang.
Annoyed, I thought it must be neighborhood kids here to see if my daughter was home (she wasn’t) or maybe it was a solicitor for a fake church.
Obviously, I wasn’t in a state to answer the door. Whoever it was could wait. Or leave. Or come back. One of those.
Nothing was going to deter me from my all-important task of painting my breasts purple. You see, it finally–FINALLY–dawned on me last night that the pain I’ve been experiencing during breastfeeding is most likely due to thrush. All this time, I had thought the Little Guy’s upper lip tie (frenulum) was causing the problem.
Either that, or he’s just especially bitey. Sort of like a zombie.
Luckily, I still had a six-year old bottle of Gentian Violet from my daughter’s infancy.
When I finished my, er, preparations, I realized that doorbell ringer might have been the mail delivery person with the check I’ve been waiting for.
Lo and behold, the mailbox contained a note stating that they had tried to deliver a certified letter.
I ran outside and saw the mail-truck parked down the block. I decided to walk down and sit on my neighbor’s steps until the mail person came back to her truck.
But it was too bright outside.
I had to retreat, sort of like a vampire.
I should mention that I’d had my eyes dilated an hour earlier at the optometrist’s.
I walked briskly back to the house, got my sunglasses, and drove around the neighborhood to track down the mail-person.
She had my letter. It was my inheritance check. It was enclosed in one of my grandfather’s Kachina Doll cards: “Impression of Blue Jay Woman.”
I drove to the bank, conveniently located in the Safeway. This branch just opened a month ago, and my two deposits there have been in the humiliating amounts of $200 from my husband so I could cover a student loan payment and my hefty child-support payment of $75. Both deposits brought my account into three digits.
When I faced the teller this time, with my dilated eyes and purple-stained fingers, I tried to stay calm and act natural. I wondered what she thought of me, if she remembered my prior pathetic deposits. I wondered what she made of my suspiciously dilated eyes, my suspiciously purple fingers, and my suspiciously large check
Maybe she thought I was on drugs. Or a prostitute. I tried not to worry about these things as she told me there would be a five-day hold on the check. We discussed opening a Money Market account and she circled the interest rate on a piece of paper. (I noticed that the more you have in your account, the higher the rate of return. The rich do get richer, as they say.)
I tried not to act too giddy, as I thought about paying off my credit card debt and buying a desk so I can work from home with a real home office (as opposed to my bed as a work surface).
I will also get some jeans that fit my two-time mommy body. Oh! And both contacts AND glasses this year.
And probably a new bra. Maybe a purple one.