The Five Stages of Divorce on Facebook*
Change relationship status to “It’s Complicated.” Unfriend your spouse.
Post status updates about packing, moving, and counting down to your court-date.
Friends post “Thinking of you” and “Hang in there” on your Timeline.
Change relationship status to “Single.” Change your last name. Start posting photos of your sexy, new self at bars and outdoor concerts.
“Friend” old flames from high school and college. Message with them. Realize it’s a good thing you broke up (or never dated).
Update your status with requests for advice on nail polish color and whether your hair should be up or down.
It’s so fun to go out again, and you have built-in babysitting several nights a week!
Change your profile picture to one that includes both of you lookin’ hot. So happy! So free!
Change relationship status to “Engaged.”
Start posting status updates requesting wedding advice: location, dresses, caterers.
Post pictures of the two of you and all your kids doing family activities.
Playing at the pool!
Look at our cute kids.
Wow. So. Many. Kids.
Change relationship status to “Married.” Possibly, change your name. Hyphenate it this time.
Start posting status updates about:
- what’s for dinner,
- your kids’ activities and accomplishments,
- how much you miss date night, and
- how tired you are.
Post pictures of your kids.
Do not EVER approve pictures you’ve been tagged in:
You look soooo tired and unkempt.
No more “Check Ins”, Ladies’ Nights, or sexy tropical vacation pictures either.
Watch your friends go through the same cycle.
*I can joke about this because I’ve done it.