The Five Stages of Divorce on Facebook

The Five Stages of Divorce on Facebook*

Stage One:

Change relationship status to “It’s Complicated.” Unfriend your spouse.

Post status updates about packing, moving, and counting down to your court-date.

Friends post “Thinking of you” and “Hang in there” on your Timeline.

Stage Two:

Change relationship status to “Single.” Change your last name. Start posting photos of your sexy, new self at bars and outdoor concerts.

Be sure to “Check In” everywhere you go.

“Friend” old flames from high school and college. Message with them. Realize it’s a good thing you broke up (or never dated).

Update your status with requests for advice on nail polish color and whether your hair should be up or down.

It’s so fun to go out again, and you have built-in babysitting several nights a week!

Stage Three:

Change relationship status to “In a Relationship.” Post photos of your new boyfriend and you at the beach, fancy restaurants, and at a tropical resort.

Change your profile picture to one that includes both of you lookin’ hot. So happy! So free!

Stage Four:

Change relationship status to “Engaged.”

Start posting status updates requesting wedding advice: location, dresses, caterers.

Post pictures of the two of you and all your kids doing family activities.

Game night!

Vacation!

Playing at the pool!

Look at our cute kids.

Wow. So. Many. Kids.

Stage Five:

Change relationship status to “Married.” Possibly, change your name. Hyphenate it this time.

Post pictures of your wedding and honeymoon.

Start posting status updates about:

  • what’s for dinner,
  • your kids’ activities and accomplishments,
  • how much you miss date night, and
  • how tired you are.

Share eCards featuring wine and chocolate with text about how hard it is to be a wife and mother.

Join Pinterest.

Post pictures of your kids.

But!

(And this is VERY important.)

Do not EVER approve pictures you’ve been tagged in:

Oh!

You look soooo tired and unkempt.

No more “Check Ins”, Ladies’ Nights, or sexy tropical vacation pictures either.

Watch your friends go through the same cycle.

*I can joke about this because I’ve done it.

Posted by

Part of the solution since 1973.

15 thoughts on “The Five Stages of Divorce on Facebook

  1. Wow! Love this Kylie…I am going through this process but am not following stage 1 directions very well. Would love to catch up soon, thanks for a great laugh:)

  2. Thanks for the follow. I’m going to forward this to my friends who are in various places of your five-step process. Super-cute. Looking forward to seeing what you’re up to!

    1. Thanks! I hope they enjoy a good chuckle. Make sure they safeguard against the progression in my “Family Math” post!!

    1. Thanks 🙂 I got a FB account right when I was going through my divorce and it was such a great distraction.

Say Anything. Anything at all.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s