Awkward Christmas Moments

Elf-shaming

Hey, did you know? Sex sells!

This Elf is on the Naughty List
This Elf is on the Naughty List

My post, XXX-Mas, about an awkward family Christmas gift exchange is getting A LOT of hits. It’s even going a little viral. And when I say, “little” I mean “LITTLE!!!”

I don’t think readers were looking for “the funny,” however. I think they were looking for something else. I hope they weren’t too disappointed.

I just wanted to give people the gift of laughing at my expense. I’m generous like that. I also love to give the gifts of letting people feel superior and smug.

And with that, I have finally been blessed with the holiday spirit. Won’t you please join me in this generous, gift-giving season?

Share your stories. Leave a comment about an awkward holiday moment… an awkward gift? A party gaffe? A hostess fail?

And maybe, if the holiday spirit moves me, I will share the classic tales of The Stinkiest Christmas Nut Ever and That One Christmas When the Charity People Thought I Was a Boy.

So, what’s keeping you? Dredge up those memories. The gift of laughter lasts a lifetime.

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Part of the solution since 1973.

16 thoughts on “Awkward Christmas Moments

    1. Thank you. I’m quite proud of it.

      My Sweet Girl happened to name that Elf “Magic John.”

      I’ve been considering posing him with a number of his “hohohos,” but I’m not sure I can be that offensive.

      I’m prissy (and socially conscious) like that.

      1. Okay, going with the bodily functions theme: On Boxing Day 2002, my 7-month old son had the most explosive blowout diaper of his little life. This was at a rather formal dinner we had been invited to, and I slipped into a side room to change him. This was no ordinary clean up; the blowout had reached a high water mark. There was poop all the way up my son’s back and over the top of his shoulder. The clothes were unsalvageble — I stuffed them into a plastic bag for later toss-out. I put jammies on my sweet-faced though still somewhat offensive-smelling baby boy, waved goodbye to the hostess, and dashed home.
        On Christmas Eve 2003, my newborn threw up in my face (yes, literally – vomit went into my eyes) while I was wrapping presents for the grandparents. It truly is the hap-happiest season of all, isn’t it?

        1. Oh geez! Thanks for sharing these glorious moments.

          This reminds me… I came down with food poisoning when my daughter was a month old. And where did I get it? The family Christmas party.

          I was the one doing the projectile vomiting then…

          Thanks so much for stopping by, reading, and sharing your pooperific holiday memories.

  1. I pooped at my ex-fiance’s house and clogged the toilet. I tried to plunge it but I was not successful so the toilet overflowed… poop water all over the ground. He has a very small family and they were all sitting in the living room hearing me plunge and cursing as silently as I could. They ended up having to call an emergency plumber. Awesome holiday memories.

    1. That’s a rough one and I won’t try to top it. I do have a story though: my stepkids somehow spilled a large can of olive oil all over my cousin’s kitchen floor during a New Year’s Eve get together. What they were doing in the kitchen was beyond me.

        1. Yeep! Three boys. Now ages 29, 24 and 22. I also have two boys of my own, 16 and 14. My life is boys and noise. Oh, and I work in Spec ed too. More boys, lol.

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