Here is a list of a dozen shallow things of which I feel deeply envious:
- Engagement photos
- Wedding dresses
- Baby showers
- Decorating a baby nursery
- Job promotions
- World travel
- Happy family vacations
- Stylish yoga clothes
- Going out for happy hour/ movie/ dancing–whatever
- Jogging with a friend
- Terraced front gardens
Why? I’ve been married twice. I’ve had two babies. I am in love with my husband, who is a wonderful father, friend, and lover. We even go to yoga together and have several date nights a month.
By most counts, I’m a lucky woman. I have things–resources, privileges, experiences, knowledge–that many people around the world would feel grateful for.
Yet I struggle with this feeling of incompleteness, of lack. Partly, it must be because so many changes happened so quickly without being able to mark them with the rituals, traditions, and symbols we take for granted in our culture. A shotgun wedding, a premature baby, not being able to move in with my new husband until his–our–house was finished getting remodeled. I should be filled with joy, and yet, it’s there: that emptiness. That comparison of my life to others’ that leaves me feeling like I’ve missed out on something.
Are you envious of silly things? Do you have any idea why?