From Guest Blogger, List of X
List of X’s blog is “An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events.
(* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what “ostensibly” means, it might not be “ostensibly” either.)”
But believe me, List of X’s commentary is funny, very funny, ostensibly or not.
10 Dumbest Things Gun Nuts Always Say
- We shouldn’t have any gun regulation laws because bad guys will always find a way to break the law. You’re not proposing to repeal all laws against theft and murder just because bad guys will always find to break them, are you? But let’s talk about something that’s really close to your heart. Why do we bother having a 2nd Amendment on the books, anyway? Those bad guys in the government (and they’re the worst, don’t you agree?) will find a way to trample it and confiscate your gun anyway.
- Knives, hammers, and cars also kill people, so let’s ban them too! Sorry, those murders by hammers just don’t add up, even if we include hammerhead sharks and MC Hammer. But if we are talking about people killed by dull objects in general, then yes, those dull objects with guns in their hands do kill a lot of people. Plus, there is tiny difference between a gun and a car that might be escaping your attention. A gun has a sole purpose of killing people or other living things, while a car or a knife have a variety of other useful purposes. If you still don’t see the difference, then you probably aren’t using your car or knife correctly.
- I need a gun for my own protection. If you are so concerned with your personal survival, let me ask you these questions: do you eat your vegetables? Do you avoid fast food, sugar and fat? Do you never smoke nor drink alcohol? Do you always wash your hands before eating and after using the bathroom? Do you wear seat belts and drive below the speed limit? Do you put your cell phone away when driving to avoid any distractions? Do you exercise regularly? Do you avoid all risky activities? If your answer is “No” to most of these questions, then sorry, you are not really concerned with your own protection. Of course, some of you may answer “Yes” to all of the above. But then I can’t help but ask you: “Do you actually believe that this bleak existence you call ‘life’ is precious enough to warrant armed protection?”
- It’s too soon to talk about gun control. We always hear this one after every shooting, and for some reason, it’s always too soon. I have no idea how you would determine when it is exactly the right time to talk about it. Is there a specific number of people that’s supposed to be killed before we can talk about it? And interestingly, while it’s always too soon to talk about gun control, it’s not too soon to sell more guns. At least, I am not aware of gun shops closing even for an hour after Sandy Hook shooting.
- Armed society is a polite society. If that really were true, then Yemen and Somalia must be two of the most polite countries on Earth. We’re not aware of it only because these countries never brag how polite they are out of their sheer politeness. But let’s suppose everyone is armed here in the US. Why are you so sure that everyone will be going out of THEIR way to be nice to YOU, and not the other way around?
- Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. If the only real purpose that guns have is to kill people, and guns don’t kill people, then what’s the point of having them? You might as well be using cars and knives for that. Or does that mean you are only buying guns because those evil Yankees made it illegal to buy people?
- Armed citizen can stop a massacre: Sure, an armed citizen can stop a massacre, and that this probably even happened at a few shootings. But you’ll never guess what happens at every shooting: yep, an armed citizen starts a massacre!
- Every patriot needs an assault rifle to fight tyranny. Of course, by tyranny you mean that democratically elected government that you didn’t vote for, and by enemies you are planning to fight you mean your fellow Americans. You know, I haven’t had a civics class in a while, but I don’t remember anything about measuring the level of someone’s patriotism by the number of fellow Americans they plan to kill. Though it would make more sense if you were taking your civics lessons from the Taliban.
- They can have my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead hands. I have to warn you, if the government really decides to come after you with all its tanks, helicopters, drone, bombs, and laser-guided missiles, it really won’t be that difficult for them to pry your guns from you cold, dead hands. The hardest part will be to actually find those cold, dead hands of yours among all the smoldering rubble.
- Gun owners will be the next Rosa Parks and will sit in the front of the bus! I guess that’s supposed to mean that gun owners are tired of being required to walk in “gun owner only” parks, drink at “gun owner only” fountains, banned from entering gun-free zones, and sick of living in constant fear of being lynched by hippies. I guess that noise made by all those politicians loudly professing their love for the 2nd amendment, plus the sound of non-stop shooting, masks the unimaginable suffering of the gun owners. Though I have to wonder, how do you envision your nonviolent resistance? Or do you just believe that “violence” can only be something directed at you, while your 100-bullet per minute resistance should be called “defending freedom”?