Top Ten Ways Dining Out with a Toddler is Like a Bad Date

Top Ten Ways Dining Out with a Toddler is Like a Bad Date

10. They always make you late.

9. When you get to the restaurant, they complain–loudly–about how they’re TIRED of this place.

8. They are bad listeners. During dinner, they talk only about themselves.

Toddler Bad Date

You Gonna Eat That?

7. They sometimes take their shirts off and dance on the table.

6. They steal food off your plate without asking. After you ask them not to, they do it again.

5. They drink so much they pee themselves.

4. Unwelcome groping: they reach down your shirt and lift up your skirt.

3. If you share a dessert, they eat most of it. With their hands.

2. They run for the door, laughing, leaving you to pay the bill.

1. After all this, they STILL expect to sleep with you.

  One thought on “Top Ten Ways Dining Out with a Toddler is Like a Bad Date

  1. October 29, 2013 at 8:22 PM

    This is so funny yet so true!!!

    • October 30, 2013 at 10:00 AM

      Thanks, Carolyn!! Thanks for coming over to read it🙂

  2. October 7, 2013 at 10:26 PM

    hahah, the photo speaks volumes. Great post.

    • October 8, 2013 at 9:51 AM

      He’s a pirate.

  3. October 7, 2013 at 8:20 AM

    HAHAHAH….So very true!! This is hilarious

    • October 7, 2013 at 9:14 AM


  4. September 18, 2013 at 4:16 AM

    Sounds exactly like some of my better dates. Thankfully I did not have coffee in my mouth when reading this, perfection.

    • September 18, 2013 at 8:16 AM

      Hahaha! So glad I didn’t cause you to burn yourself or ruin your computer🙂

  5. September 17, 2013 at 11:48 PM

    This is awesome and made me laugh. I have had lots of bad dates lately but luckily I get to choose if they sleep with me or not!

    • September 17, 2013 at 11:58 PM

      And they probably never reach their hands down your shirt in full view of the public.

  6. September 16, 2013 at 4:43 PM

    And we love them so, anyway, and gladly put up with all of it. It’s true love, all right! I like your new header photo.

    • September 16, 2013 at 6:39 PM

      Thanks! Use what you have, right?

  7. September 16, 2013 at 10:51 AM

    You are so funny, Kylie! They do pee themselves – those bad dates, I mean rotten kids!!

  8. September 16, 2013 at 10:49 AM

    Loved this! Ah, I remember those groping days.🙂

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:51 AM

      So creepy when they slowly run their fingers up your leg and lift your skirt.

      And the nipple pinching! Oy!

  9. September 16, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    Ha! Adorable post!

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:48 AM

      Thanks. Maybe by the time my son is an adult I’ll have trained to be a GOOD date.

  10. September 16, 2013 at 8:53 AM

    This is SO funny! The picture and pic caption are just perfect.

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:50 AM

      He is perfect…a perfect adorable terror.

  11. dental eggs
    September 16, 2013 at 7:36 AM

    That photo is awesome. Making fun of one’s kids is so awesome.

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:26 AM

      If you don’t laugh, you’d cry.

  12. September 16, 2013 at 7:28 AM

    Hysterical and SO TRUE!!

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:32 AM

      And I didn’t even mention the belching!

      • September 16, 2013 at 10:45 AM

        Oh my! One of my dear friends was out for a casual Friday night family dinner at the corner pizza joint when the stomach flu came on FULL FORCE with her 20 month old. Let’s just say she won’t be showing her face there any time soon :(( She was knee deep in puked on clothes, sheets, floors and hair the entire weekend. The things we put up with for true love, huh?!

        • September 16, 2013 at 10:49 AM

          Oh that’s terrible!
          My son recently peed and pooped in a restaurant (not wearing a diaper!!) but puke is definitely worse!

          • September 16, 2013 at 12:12 PM

            Yikes!! I have thrown away more than one pair of our little guys underwear when he’s done that… I cannot stand to let it sit in a bag in the car … I cloth diapered too, I think I hit my shit quota and just cannot take anymore without gagging!!!!

  13. September 16, 2013 at 6:46 AM

    They can also throw a tantrum that has everyone in the restaurant staring at you….. not that I’ve ever experienced that😉

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:33 AM

      The “eagle scream” is what we call it…

  14. September 16, 2013 at 6:29 AM

    Reblogged this on This is Phoebe… and her brain. and commented:
    This is brilliant! Especially the picture.

  15. September 16, 2013 at 6:27 AM

    Hahahaha…so true! Cute dates get away with everything.

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:34 AM

      They sure can…even openly discussing bodily functions!

  16. September 16, 2013 at 6:20 AM

    Sounds like the worst date ever.🙂

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:34 AM

      And I just keep going out with him. What’s wrong with me?

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