Birthday Fails #NaBloPoMo

Cupcakes: not a fail

I’m 280 dog years old today!!

Cupcakes for all!

Cupcakes: not a fail
Cupcakes: not a fail

Toulouse and Tonic inspired me to post my top ten birthday fails, but it’s so hard to pick just ten!

But first a Public Service Announcement, as requested by Don of all Trades:

WARNING: This post may or may not contain unexpected menstruation verbiage.

Here goes:

  1. My mom called me a ‘Turkey’ and her ‘Valentine’s Day Baby.’ Do the math.
  2. My brother was born two days after my 2nd birthday… notice a pattern here? I bit him when they brought him home. Later, I told all my friends he was my late, unwanted birthday present. Sorry, bro.
  3. I was sent to my room during my 3rd birthday party for bratty behavior.
  4. I had to share birthday parties, cakes, and sometimes presents with my brother. Once I unintentionally blew out the candles on his side of the cake. I may or may not have been sent to my room.
  5. 13 is an unlucky number, right?
    Unlucky 13

    We moved across the country, and I was a couple weeks into my new school when I had my 13th birthday party. My mom made me go through a spank line with my new classmates. I was getting my period, so they all got to spank my pad. What a great way to make new, close friends. (Mom, I know you deny this happening, but the experience is seared into my brain

  6. Most people are out of town for Thanksgiving the week of my birthday. Con: Rarely to I get a party. Pro: Sometimes I have lots of little 1:1 lunches with friends for the whole month.
  7. Our birthday budget gets blown in November because my son and daughter both have birthdays this month.
  8. Trigger warning: suicide.  A friend of mine killed himself four days before my 18th birthday. His funeral was on my birthday, which was also the day before his girlfriend’s birthday. The word “fail” isn’t big enough to have room for that.
  9. I couldn’t afford to fly home from college for my 20th birthday/Thanksgiving break. So… my mom sent my beloved brother out to visit me. Surprise! Fortunately, I didn’t have to accommodate him in my tiny dorm room, because he spent the entire time getting drunk with a couple of Freshman girls who’d gone to our high school. I ate Thanksgiving dinner alone in the cafeteria while he was at their party. Also? I had pink-eye.
  10. Once, my daughter’s birthday cake erupted in the oven and set off the smoke detectors:


BONUS!!!! My husband told me he made birthday reservations for 5:30. He just told me they are actually for 5. It’s quarter til.

Posted by

Part of the solution since 1973.

13 thoughts on “Birthday Fails #NaBloPoMo

  1. Wow…you’ve had some sucky birthdays! I am curious why if your mom could afford to send your brother to visit you why she couldn’t afford to fly you home?

  2. Happy birthday plus one. Hope it was a good one. Also, if that cake disaster ever happens, you can scoop the batter off the floor of the oven and eat it if you’re quick enough and the oven is relatively clean. Or so I’m told…

    1. Happy birthday to you!

      I just barely missed a cake disaster for my daughter’s birthday on Thursday. I started making her cupcakes at 1. Her school party was at 2. Thanks to modern refrigeration technology I got them to cool down in time to frost them.
      We narrowly avoided another disaster when she began to pass them out and the tray tipped. A few fell and the frosting smooshed. Luckily 8-years don’t care about such things.

      I even had time to take the lovely cupcake picture above 🙂

      I’m getting better, so much better.

  3. I hope this birthday go-round is much, much, much (did I say much?) better than all the previous ones. Really, every single one of them from here on out ought to be great after this much bad luck.
    Fist bumps on thinking to grab the video camera first when the cake exploded. Safety first, right? ; )
    Many happy returns!

Say Anything. Anything at all.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s