I’m 280 dog years old today!!
Cupcakes for all!
Toulouse and Tonic inspired me to post my top ten birthday fails, but it’s so hard to pick just ten!
But first a Public Service Announcement, as requested by Don of all Trades:
WARNING: This post may or may not contain unexpected menstruation verbiage.
- My mom called me a ‘Turkey’ and her ‘Valentine’s Day Baby.’ Do the math.
- My brother was born two days after my 2nd birthday… notice a pattern here? I bit him when they brought him home. Later, I told all my friends he was my late, unwanted birthday present. Sorry, bro.
- I was sent to my room during my 3rd birthday party for bratty behavior.
- I had to share birthday parties, cakes, and sometimes presents with my brother. Once I unintentionally blew out the candles on his side of the cake. I may or may not have been sent to my room.
- 13 is an unlucky number, right?
We moved across the country, and I was a couple weeks into my new school when I had my 13th birthday party. My mom made me go through a spank line with my new classmates. I was getting my period, so they all got to spank my pad. What a great way to make new, close friends. (Mom, I know you deny this happening, but the experience is seared into my brain
- Most people are out of town for Thanksgiving the week of my birthday. Con: Rarely to I get a party. Pro: Sometimes I have lots of little 1:1 lunches with friends for the whole month.
- Our birthday budget gets blown in November because my son and daughter both have birthdays this month.
- Trigger warning: suicide. A friend of mine killed himself four days before my 18th birthday. His funeral was on my birthday, which was also the day before his girlfriend’s birthday. The word “fail” isn’t big enough to have room for that.
- I couldn’t afford to fly home from college for my 20th birthday/Thanksgiving break. So… my mom sent my beloved brother out to visit me. Surprise! Fortunately, I didn’t have to accommodate him in my tiny dorm room, because he spent the entire time getting drunk with a couple of Freshman girls who’d gone to our high school. I ate Thanksgiving dinner alone in the cafeteria while he was at their party. Also? I had pink-eye.
- Once, my daughter’s birthday cake erupted in the oven and set off the smoke detectors: