My undercover investigations have revealed a new form of social disparity.
Close observers may already realize that men and women receive very different messages about body odor.
Men are rugged. Men sweat. Men need STRONG odor-fighting assistance.
Women are flowery. Women glisten and dew. Women’s deodorants feature baby powder.
The truth is we all stink. Whatever.
Here’s the real problem: Men’s deodorant is FUNNY!
Imagine my disbelief when I read the back of my husband’s trusty tube of Old Spice to find that it contains atomic robots that shoot lasers at his stench monsters and replace them with scent elves.
I want elves.
I also want robots. Why doesn’t my Secret Solid have robots?? Or even fairies. I would take fairies.
I feel so cheated. I read everything!! I want my deodorant to make me laugh. Sometimes, I even need extra encouragement to put it on in the morning.
Also: His has directions.
Not just any directions: step-by-step directions, immediately following the humorous fable.
Twist up product. Apply to underarms only. Use daily for best results.
So clear! So explicit! So detailed!
You have to search for the directions on mine, and they aren’t quite so detailed. They don’t even have capital letters or punctuation: “apply to underarms only” is all there is. This is unconscionable.
Now, I know women are supposedly more verbally adept and mature. Meanwhile, the media really like to pretend that men are in need of coddling, just big boys in grown-up clothes, who’ll revert to playing with robots if their
mother wife isn’t around to tell them what to do. The “Man-Child” angle, if you will. But come on! Isn’t it time for women to get some funny too??
Old Spice isn’t your father’s deodorant.
Take a look at the cosmetic products in your house. Are there gender differences? Do men get all the funny? Are your products scentist?
And hey! Did you miss this? I had, ahem, technical difficulties. Click it. It’s funny. (I know it’s long–6 whole minutes–but it’s worth it.)
- Shakespeare, the Spam-Chimp, as Read by Kylie #NaBloPoMo (thelifeofkylie.com)