Magic John


You know about the Elf on the Shelf right?

It’s a new tradition, designed to bring joy to the little ones, er, designed to make the little ones behave. You see, it’s not enough to tell them Santa’s watching to decide whether they’re naughty or nice. This generation of kids needs things to be a tad more concrete.

So, Santa and his minions, I mean Loving Grandmothers, have provided my generation of parents with a new helper. A creepy little elf that sits on various shelves in your household. The thing is, the elf moves every night, because he’s a creepy stalker who watches your children while they’re sleeping and then flies back to Santa to file his report. Upon his return, he settles upon a new perch. That is, if the parents of the household remember to move him.

Really, this is all about parental torture.

The elf requires us to stay up late or get up early and actually remember to move him every night. Some parents–those Pinterest moms–actually set up an adorable new scene for their elves every night. They probably have a work plan and sketches and everything. It’s not fair.

In a passive aggressive new turn, some parents have taken the elf competition to a whole new level, trying to outdo one another, posing their elves in very naughty, and sometimes compromising, positions.

I’ll admit, it’s much more fun, and I’m always a fan of creative revenge scenarios, but doesn’t it kinda defeat the purpose to have a naughty elf, setting a bad example for your kids? I mean, my kids are naughty enough, they don’t need encouragement from Satan’s little sidekick.

I mean Santa. Right. Santa.

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Part of the solution since 1973.

12 thoughts on “Magic John

  1. Like Priceless, I, too, have never heard of the Elf. So glad my kids are all grown up! It would have felt like torture to me, too if I would have started this!!

  2. In Germany, Santa (who visits on the 6th of Dec) has a mean helper called “Knecht Ruprecht”. Kids are usually so scared of the visit by the both of them that you can threaten them all year long with it. My cousin was tortured with this until she was in elementary school… “Be good or Santa is going to come visit”…
    The elf thing seems much more benign…it’s like a fake NSA for parents.

  3. Although I laugh when I see pictures of the Elf from the Shelf pooping hershey kisses or decorating the Christmas tree with toilet paper, I feel like those parents have missed the point entirely. The elf can be bad but the children can’t? Yeah, good luck with that theology.

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