The First Time I Saw…
Tilt of your smile,
Black of your hair,
Lilt of your walk,
Depth of your stare–
Heat filled me up
All else a blur
But this I knew:
You are him. I’m her.
A response to:
This week’s Trifextra challenge. This week we are asking you to count syllables. And words. It’s a lot of math for those of us who might be more accustomed to dealing with words, but we’re confident you can pull it off.
We are asking for a 33-word response to the following snippet:
The first time I saw. . .
Here’s the catch: all of your 33 words must be one syllable each. We’re going low-brow on your this week. Or not. Can you class it up under these restrictions? Give us your best.
To clarify, we are giving you 5 words. We want another 33 from you, for a grand total of 38. – See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/#sthash.MiIYUtYF.dpuf
I’ve never done one of these challenges before. You say you weren’t used to doing this but you made it look effortless!
Well, that’s just lovely. Thanks for linking up with this beautiful tribute.
Well, thank you!
Great work.
Awww.. You ole honeydripper, you!
Well done!
Ha! I’m as sweet as they come…
I believe you!
This is so sweet and beautifully written!
The rhyming structure adds to the cadence of the poem but, more than that, the message it conveys is powerfully life-affirming and beautiful. Well done and, congratulations on finding Love. 🙂
The rhyming adds to the dimensions within it and the end result is so beautiful.
Thank you!!
This is quite good. By the way, I thought it would be fair to use short words in my note as well. 🙂
Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious.
Sweet and nice work with the rhyming. I found the one syllable limit hard enough – rhyming was out of the question. 🙂
Poems have been the easiest way for me to deal with the 33-word limit.
hey very nice blog i like it..
🙂
Is your name Shakespeare?
people r call me that name..means its mu nick name
But why you ask me??
Just making sure this wasn’t a spam comment 😉
That’s beautiful!
Did you show this to him?
Surprised him with it this morning. He sent me a happy text 🙂
Lovely ~
Awwwwww….
So sweet! 🙂
Thanks Rara!