If I Had An IKEA Family…
Our home would, at all times, be dappled with golden light streaming through windows unblemished with greasy fingerprints. It would be soft and warm, but never glaring, and always photo-ready. There would be no dust fairies dancing in that light.
Instead, my children would dance like fairies, delighted with their small, neat, color-coordinated collection of whimsical toys. In fact, we would have a full playground just yonder… there…beyond the couches. On the other side of the dust-free, room-dividing curtains. Can’t you see it?!!
The children would do acrobatics in the swing–never fighting over it–and hone their skills in balancing, and juggling, and tumbling, in our little children’s microgym. They would never dribble balls in the house or fall or pout or scream, repeatedly, that they are bored.
And the floor of that microgym would be clear of toys–the children would have delightedly tucked them away in clever storage devices without any prodding or nagging from me.
They would never, ever be bored.
Instead, one child would paint on one side of an oh-so-affordable easel while the other created chalk masterpieces opposite.
We would hang their clever artwork from a wire with special clips, spanning the microgym. It would be hung in matching black frames about the great room, which would have high ceilings and walls lined with books in bookcases that are as solid as they look.
If I had an IKEA family, we would spend our evening reading those books, or maybe enjoying puppet shows. The ceiling-to-floor curtains would create the perfect stage! Dinner and a show! Everything could be accommodated in our IKEA home. My family would never fight again! And the dishes would always be done!!
And, and, and after the dinner theater, we would gather around the sink in the perfectly-proportioned bathroom, smiling as we all brush our teeth in tandem.
Truly, is there no happier time than teeth-brushing time in the modern family?
There would be no jabbing elbows or false claims of having flossed. The lighting–again perfect–would cast a glow on the sparkling clean tile floor, and we’d all be ready for bed at reasonable hour that provides grown-ups with grown-up time in our grown-up bed while the kiddies are all sound asleep in their clever–and totally safe–storage beds.
In the morning, the children would pile into the grown-up bed with me for happy family cuddle time.
They will not have woken up repeatedly in the night to be escorted back to their rooms. They will not have peed in any of the beds, grown-up and/or storage. They will not have driven their father out of the grown up bed with their elbows and knees and bowling ball heads so they can hog the king size bed, with me on the edge, arms across my chest to keep the children’s creeping and nostalgic-for-nursing hands out of my cleavage and armpits.
WHY the armpits????
No, no. In our IKEA home, everybody will sleep soundly for a full 8, maybe 9 hours! 11 on weekends.
It would be so dreamy and perfect. And totally realistic.
If only I had the IKEA home, I would have the IKEA family, right??? No hacks required.
Well, maybe a few.